Mom M.S , M.Ch

Mom M.S , M.Ch

As we sat down for dinner , my wife had finished serving everyone when after saying grace ( prayer ) ,  my eldest  in his last year of primary school asked her ‘ Mamma , can I ask you something please ? ‘ I knew he wanted to borrow her smartphone to play his favourite game , but as a rule no gadgets were allowed at the dining table  . I was about to remind him sternly of the table rules , but thanks to his next question I couldn’t help but remember my childhood .

Three decades ago, growing up as a young child , I remember Dad was very particular that we as a family would all sit down for atleast one meal together in the day , and most often it was dinner coz mornings were always a rush and we’d take packed lunch to school . Dad had few more rules – nobody would start eating until grace was said , till mom had herself sat down to eat , and nobody would leave the table till everyone else was done . The only time we would get to have lunch together would be on a Sunday . And Sundays were always special – you could wake up late , not go to school , and best of all – you’d get yummy chicken at home for lunch after church , all specially made by mom  . Something that me and my 2 elder brothers would always look forward to .

That Sunday in church I heard the word charity , but didn’t know what it meant . While we were all having lunch , I asked Dad and he said ‘ It means to be generous , to be able to give , to be big-hearted , to be able to think of others and not only about yourself  ‘ “But isn’t that called being selfless “ my eldest brother quipped in . ‘Yeah , sort of , they all mean the same – selfless , sacrificial , magnanimous , generous , charitable ‘ All those words were a little too much for my primary school brain . Mom saw my puzzled look and said ‘ Don’t worry you’ll understand as you grow up ‘

Later that evening , I and my brothers heard Mom and Dad having a detailed discussion about what further qualifications she should aim for . Both were doctors , Dad was a qualified surgeon with an additional prestigious degree from London , and he was very keen on Mom doing something similar . I learnt that day that when I was very small , hardly a year old , Mom had done a diploma , which was somewhere between a UG degree and a postgraduate Masters . He told her “ You somehow managed a diploma then , and now if you can do your M.S and then M.Ch , wherever you work you will be the boss . The more degrees you have , the better for you in the long run , you can add more titles on your name board “ But in those days , these additional qualifications were not mandatory , one could still survive with a diploma , and with 3 young boys in the house , it would not be easy for her to be so ambitious career-wise , mom argued . All this jargon too , was too much for me . I’ll understand as I grow up , I told myself .

A few weeks later , as usual we looked forward to enjoying Mom’s Sunday chicken for lunch  . I noticed that she always had a favourite piece . Sometimes that would be the last piece left in the bowl , but even otherwise she wouldn’t hesitate to have that  ‘ Why do you always eat that piece mamma , you never give it to Daddy or to us .‘ Dad said ‘ Oh didn’t you know . Mamma loves the neck .’ How could anyone like a neck piece .  ‘ But how mamma , none of us like it , there’s nothing , no meat in it ‘ Dad said ‘ You know somethings you should just leave it to Mamma . She knows best .  She doesn’t mind eating something which none of us like – neither you nor your brothers nor me . Even my mother , your granny was the same . Mamma’s mamma was also the same . But that’s how Moms are , they are blessed , they are always special  ‘ Dad seemed intent on elaborating further , but Mom interrupted and said with a smile ‘ Enjoy your meal beta , you’ll understand when you grow up and have a family of your own ‘

As time went by , I realized that all these years mom would get up early , get everything ready – breakfast , lunch for school and also would go exactly on time for work in the second half of the day , while some of her colleagues would report late , so that she could get back just before the three of us got home from school , to make us something fresh and nice to eat , be it kheer or kesri or semiya payasam or diamond cuts .  After that she would go back to finish the rest of the work in the hospital , which was in the same campus , while we would get busy playing with our friends . I would occasionally help her in the kitchen but had zero cooking skills . Even after I had moved to high school , on a Sunday when we all got to sleep late , she would wake up early and be busy in the kitchen . And after putting all that effort into making a sumptuous meal for lunch well before going to church , she would come back and relish , of all things available in that chicken bowl , a neck piece . “ She’s got to be more assertive than that . I guess women can only blame themselves “ I thought  .  Somehow that night before I went to bed all I prayed for was for my kids to get a mother who would not mind a chicken neck !

Now after having a family of my own , with three young kids I can’t help but shudder at the thought of not having my wife around , even though my cooking skills have improved significantly over the years – I can make an omelette , boil an egg , make semiya-payasam , heat up some ready-to-eats in the microwave ,  unwrap and grill the ready-made pizza in the oven  and .. and that’s about it . The kids manage to attend school on time , be it realtime or virtual online sessions , do their homework , groceries are regularly stocked up , there’s enough snacks available for them – all because of her . And after doing all the work and all the cooking , what does she serve herself in her plate ? Yes you guessed it right , a neck piece ! “ You know what , all these women , across generations , have only themselves to blame . If you put in all the effort and still choose not to assert yourself , its purely your fault   “ , I mumbled to myself . I asked her a couple of times and she said ‘ Oh I actually love the neck piece . Eating that is not easy and needs some skill don’t you think , and that’s what makes it special ‘ “Special ? How ? “ Anyways I wasn’t complaining , my prayer as a high-school student had been answered .

I’m not a big fan of the neck , but if that’s the only piece left I could manage . Dads have their own special role to play as the kids grow up , there’s no denying that . But however caring a father I may try or want to be , I know I failed , atleast instinctively , to match up to that level of motherly love and affection because that night as a high school student instead of praying to be able to cheerfully relish a neck , I asked for a wife who would’t mind one .

Each of us is different , so is every Mom . None of us is perfect , and it’s the same with moms . Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses . It maybe everyday , or on some days , or only on Sundays , or just once in a bluemoon , but I’m sure not many of us can deny the fact that moms , when it comes to kids and family , will not hesitate to serve themselves the chicken neck . Because they’ll always be ‘M.S’ Most – selfless , Most – sacrificial and whatever else you could think of , and ‘M.Ch’ Most charitable too .

Whether my mom actually managed to get some more letters on her name board is immaterial to me , my brothers and my late dad . She is Mom and that’s more than enough . I sometimes find it difficult to say thank you because I’m not used to it , I’ve always taken her for granted . Even if you don’t say it ,  she’s not gonna love you any less , but I personally feel it will do you no harm if you could just say how grateful you genuinely are for all that she’s done , however big or small . You could forward her this long post of mine that you’re currently reading , or just a heartfelt ‘ Ma, thank you for everything ‘ will more than suffice .

As we sat down at the table for dinner , my smartphone – requesting son , contrary to what I thought , didn’t ask for extra time with the gadget . “ Mamma, can I ask you something please ? How come you always eat that neck piece ?“ Life had come a full circle for me . I knew she was about to explain to him that she actually loved it , but before that I told him ‘ Enjoy your meal beta , you’ll understand when you grow up and have a family of your own .‘

All moms , as well as dads who double up as them , are worthy of a Masters degree irrespective of whether they are leaders in their area of expertise , extremely qualified and ambitious or whether they are illiterate and uneducated . Don’t agree ? Yes I wouldn’t too . Coz just an M.S and an M.Ch would do gross injustice to them . They deserve much more than that , because ‘ moms are blessed , moms are always special . ‘