UK vs India , where do I settle ?
DS was walking hurriedly , me trailing him with my suitcase , just a few yards behind . That’s the first time I noticed her – looking gorgeous , beautiful and just lovely . But he was unmindful , very strange coz he too doesn’t usually miss out on such opportunities . But she was moving so fast , at a 90 degree angle , I was worried DS would get hit . I shouted loudly ‘ Macha , there’s a vandi ( vehicle ) zooming towards you ‘ He heard me , but he kept walking , not even once turning to look at her . The Merc ML class SUV was hardly a few days old , I could make out . But fearing a car pedestrian collision , I just stopped and closed my eyes and said a quick prayer for my good friend . When I opened my eyes after a few tense seconds , DS had gone even further ahead . When I looked to the right , she was still there , as still as a rock , a big beautiful black rock . Oh wow , God answers prayers , I thought . Also I wanted to look at her in detail as she drove past , but to my surprise , the car was still waiting , without honking or shouting , and I could see the middle-aged gentleman at the wheel gesture to me to cross the road . Whoa !! What on earth did I just see ? Back home in India , I would have to wade past zooming two-wheelers , autorickshaws who think they are no less than Schumacher’s Ferraris , cars whose drivers just cannot drive without their hand glued to the horn . Though I never attended dance classes in school , everytime I crossed the road I would be able to twist and turn my body so much I could probably give the Bollywood choreographers a run for their money . As I caught up with DS I said ‘ Macha I can’t believe what just happened . That car guy actually stopped , and he didn’t even shout or … ‘ ‘ Danny boy, get used to it . This country wherever there’s a zebra crossing the pedestrian is the king . And I can tell you that was a brand new Merc , I could tell from the number plate ‘ “How could you say whether it was new or old macha . I’m sure you’re trying to show off . Whatever you say , I’ve got to accept “ That was my first ever-trip to the UK about four years ago when DS came to pick me up at the Birmingham airport . For me , that big black merc stopping for a random guy crossing the road , that scene is indelible .
We got into a lift . An elderly gentleman got in too . He had his hands full so he requested me ‘ Could you please press level 3 ‘ I did . ‘ Oh thank you very much son , much appreciated ‘ he said . I thought so much drama just for pressing a switch . As he got off at the 3rd level , he turned back , looked at me again with a wide smile and said ‘ Cheers son , have a good day ‘ and walked off towards a multitude of cars parked on that floor . Just a few days ago , back in India , an elderly gentleman got into the lift in the apartment I was staying in . He came walking , both his arms swinging . Looked at me and said loudly ‘ Teen , teen ‘ ( Three, Three ) I pressed 3 . As the lift stopped at 3, he walked out , almost , then came back , stood at the doorway so that the door wouldn’t close , and asked ‘ Teen ? ‘ I nodded . He turned back to leave , and again turned towards me ‘ Pakka teen ?’ ( Are you sure it’s the third floor ) I almost felt like pushing him out of the lift . I said ‘ Haan pakka teen ; ( Yes I’m sure ) Without even looking at me again , as if I never existed in the lift , he just stormed out . I couldn’t help remembering that scene . I looked at DS ‘ Cheers ? I’m in the lift macha , not a pub ‘ ‘ Dai , cheers is a way of saying thank you in this country . Get used to it Danny boy . And when he said good day , why did you stay quiet . You should have said ‘ You too ‘
Right from those early days I’ve struggled with the thought – UK or India ? Where do I settle down ? Where would the kids be happy ? Where can I take good care of my family ? Where would I be happier ? If you have had or are still having this confusion , let’s try and answer it here . Do you think this is a no-brainer of a question ? Maybe yes , maybe no . Let’s delve a bit deeper into the India vs the UK debate . A gentle warning , this is a long article , probably among the longest I’ve written for my blog , but hey isn’t this a big question , something that could have huge implications for your entire life . If you don’t have the time , feel free to fast forward to the last page . But if you can , do try and go through the whole article .
Got to DS’ house . I wanted to use the loo badly . But I got back out before I even unbuttoned my jeans . Macha there’s no hose here , and not even a bucket or a mug . Forget that , there’s no tap inside except for a shower and the bath . How do I do my after-care after I’m done with my session on the potty ‘ DS laughed aloud ‘ Dai macha , here it’s all toilet paper . Get used to it Danny boy ‘ I hated it . So much so that my bowels would open only once a day , that too only at home coz after the potty session , I would have a shower of which washing the bottom was a part of . I sometimes cringe at the thought of walking into a wet floor back in India . I was very tired . It was hardly 4 pm but seemed like midnight . It was the peak of winter when , DS said , the sun would sometimes set by 3 pm . No way , I can’t settle down in such a gloomy place , dark at 3pm , are you kidding ?
I slept , no I crashed out . When I woke up , I realized I had missed last nights dinner . SD , DS’ wife had made some lamb roast but I was too knocked out . Said I could have it for lunch . Was looking around the kitchen to see what was for breakfast . ‘ So DB , there’s toast , plain bread , wheat bread jam eggs and marmalade . Have whatever you feel like ‘ SD said as both of them were getting ready for work . I was missing ‘ hot hot dosas ‘ that I would get to eat back at home . DS read my mind ‘ enna macha , thinking of Bhoomi akka’s ( my elderly domestic maid in india ) hot hot dosas . Forget all that man , here you’re on your own . There are days when I don’t even have time for breakfast . Get used to it Danny Boy ‘ Being a die-hard fresh and hot breakfast fan , my decision to go back seemed to become easier .
DS said he was gonna drop his sons off at the child-minder’s place , and then drive off to work . SD had already left to work in her car . She warned me before leaving ‘ If you’re going out of the house , make sure you take the key with you . Or else you’d get locked out ‘ Learning how to use that key correctly was a task in itself . I went out of the house , went down the stairs , and as I got onto the patio of the apartment , realized I could possibly die within a few minutes . I had gone down in my shorts , T shirt and sandals . DS never told me to wear warm clothing . I was scared , just went back up , locked myself inside the house and googled child-minder . Learnt that these were certified child-care providers who would drop kids off at school after the school opened , while the parents left to work . And the charges seemed quite steep . Back home , I would just knock on MJ, my neighbour’s door , tell them to send the kids out when they could see the school bus approaching the campus . I’m not sure if MJ was certified or not , but the kids never complained about anything , nor did MJ ever expect any cash . Sometimes , MJs kids would stay with us till he got back from work . It was a give and take , with no expectations or misunderstandings .
I had come to the UK alone on a new job . My wife and kids were still back at home . It was the year of the beast from the east . I couldn’t stay with DS throughout , I had to move out . DS dropped me off at the new place ,in East Midlands , right in the centre of England . I had to do a few checks in the new office , and when the weekend came I was longing to get out. I hadn’t made any friends yet , my accommodation arranged for by the new office wasn’t yet ready to be occupied and the Airbnb I was staying at didn’t have any other guests . Spoke to DS , and managed to catch a train to Birmingham . As I was waiting for the train on the platform , I kept hearing ‘ Mind the gap ‘ ‘ See it , say it , sorted ‘ but what really surprised me was one of the announcements on the PA ‘The next train to Birmingham is running late by 3 minutes . We deeply apologise for the inconvenience caused ‘ Back home , while desperately trying to catch the Alleppy-Bokaro express to get to college as a teenager , I thought I was late . An elderly gentleman on the bus said as he stood up to tie his lungi ‘ Oh bokaro . No worries . It will never let you down . It is always atleast 3– 4hours late ‘ How I wished for that to be true . But I ran into the station , went on the foot-over bridge to the 6th platform , huffing and puffing as I just entered my compartment ‘ Another man in a lungi was cutting cucumber near the window seat ‘ Are you sure this is your train . Check your ticket . This train is on time today , but it was meant to reach here 24 hours ago . It’s running late by a day ‘ I had to get off , wait for another 3 hours before boarding ‘today’s ‘ train . I told DS as he picked me up at Birmingham , about the 3 minutes delay and he was like ‘ every minute counts here . Get used to it Danny boy ‘
I slowly started settling down in my new job in the UK , and was using the local Arriva buses for my daily commute . Some days if I had to wait for a while at the bus stop , it would be an ordeal . The chill breeze and the snow would make me fear if I would die of frostbite within the next few mintues, just like my first-ever solo outing attempt in shorts and T shirts when DS had gone for work . DS called me ‘ Hey macha , how are you settling down in the new place . I’m just driving to work so thought I’d call ‘ ‘ Macha , I’m freezing , can I talk later . I actually can’t feel the phone that Iam holding ‘ I wasn’t exaggerating , it was actually frighteningly cold . Back in India , I never used to wear a sweater even during peak winter . Here 4 layers of clothes were not able to keep me warm . The moment the bus stopped , I was overjoyed to step in coz it had warmers . Oh what a lovely feeling that was . I asked for a ticket and the driver-cum-conductor said ‘ That would be 1pound 20 ‘ What ? A 100 indian rupees for a town bus that takes me two stops away . I could have travelled to another state with the same money back home . But I saw the snow outside , decided its better to stay on in the bus . That evening I called my wife on the way back from work ‘ I’m coming back . This freezing weather is not worth the trouble . I’m actually wondering why on earth did I even leave India ?’
The Arriva bus drivers were generally very polite , but no matter how desperately I waved they would never stop anywhere except at the designated bus stop . I remember an elderly couple making a dash to the nearest bus stop as the bus I was in approaching . They couldn’t get to the stop by the time the bus reached , so I went and asked the driver why he didn’t stop for them to pick them up . He politely said ‘ I can only stop where I’m allowed to stop . Health and safety issues . But I saw the couple . I’ll wait for them to board ‘ Back in India , even in the middle of the road I could stop a bus with just a raised hand and get in . Infact the non-express ordinary buses had it written on them ‘ This bus will be stopped wherever someone on the road raises a hand ‘ The traffic behind would honk , but who cares ? Irrespective of which part of the city I was in , catching a bus was never a problem .
I was allotted a shared flat in a newly – built accommodation . The kitchen had lots of glaring notices about how to keep the kitchen clean , how to use the designated trash bins , how to not clog the sink etc etc – which if were not strictly followed would lead to all the occupants being fined a cool 100 pounds !! Scary . I thought I would be better off living on fresh air and water . And water was lovely , you could drink from any tap anywhere . Oh that’s something I still love about the UK .
I was told my first salary would be credited into my account only at the end of the second month . Account ? What account ? I didn’t even have one . Called up three local banks , and they all said appointments were full . Earliest was at HSBC , 17 days later . Yes you read that right , 2 ½ weeks later . In India , I could just walk into any bank , pick up a token , and get the account started . I couldn’t wait . Just barged into a bank in the city centre , told them I needed to open an account asap . I had to wait an hour , but was able to submit my documents needed for opening a new account .
Still living on money that I had carried on my India Forex card , I knew I had to be careful . I went to all the supermarkets – Asda,Sainsbury’s, Tesco,Waitrose,Lidl, Aldi and the likes . I made an excel sheet of which supermarket was cheaper for which item . And I was surprised to find that the same item , same brand would cost different in each of those stores . No concept of an MRP like in india . Also I started to explore the nearby local restaurants and added them to my excel sheet too , as to which was more value for money . A pro tip here . If you are a roasted peanuts fan like me , don’t look beyond the ones you get in Lidl . They are the cheapest , and best . And for me Waitrose was never an option . Ridiculously priced , I wondered why anyone would even shop there with other cheaper options available .
Having coffee was an experience in itself . I’m not a big coffee or a tea fan , but I thought everyone’s having so why not try it . I asked for coffee , which was followed with a barrage of questions . Sugar or no sugar ? I said sugar . Would that be regular or large . Would that be caffe or latte ? Arre kyaa yaar , ek coffee ki liye itna hungama , I thought . But the lady there gave me such a huge cup sealed with a lid to keep it warm I knew I would need atleast 2 hours to drink it . And when I took a sip , I realized it was just black coffee . I went back to the counter . Hey but there isn’t any milk in this . ‘ You never asked for it mate ‘ Oh well , back home I just say coffee and I get coffee , with milk and sugar . Which can be drunk in 2 minutes . I told myself ‘ get used to it mate ‘ And learning to use those coffee and espresso machines was another challenge . BTw that was the last time ever I had coffee outside .
With help from another friend NA in Sheffield , I started trying to explore the option of cooking in my shared flat . I got some sausages from Lidl , put them in the oven with the timer on , something that I learned to operate via a whatsapp video call with NA , and went off for a shower . I wanted to enjoy a mini-english breakfast . Halfway through the shower , the fire alarm went off . I’m not sure what I did wrong , but I first ran into my room , got into some decent clothes and then went to the kitchen . Talking to her on the phone , I managed to open up the oven , opened up all the windows and thankfully before someone came running into the flat on the 9th floor the alarm went silent . I knew I had not followed the rule of running away from fire , but I couldn’t . I couldn’t really have survived the English winter to write this if I had ran out in my birthday suit straight out from the shower .
The wife and kids would need to join me soon . I had to get a house . Visited a lot of letting agents . By now I had my Arriva bus pass . Was late for an appointment by 6 minutes , as I was new to that area of the town and missed my bus stop . When I called EW , the lady who was supposed to show me the house , she said ‘ Oh I’m sorry . I waited for you for 5 minutes , as per our policy . You didn’t get here so I went off early for my next appointment ‘ When my cousin wanted to rent a flat in Bangalore , the owner said ‘ 5 minutes ‘ and landed up exactly after 97 minutes !!! I remembered DS’ words ‘ every minute counts here danny boy , get used to it ‘ After viewing about 26-27 properties over a month , all the while discussing the same with DS,SD,NA and my Kent friend , I was finally able to zero-in on a good 4 bed house . Was expensive renting it , but I knew the wife and kids would surely love it . Had its own garden where the kids could easily play some ball games , and I had decided I would not hold back from living a comfortable life .
About three decades ago , whilst I and my brothers were still in primary school , dad got an opportunity to work abroad . He was even flown there and spent about a week before getting back home . I was very excited . With dad’s new job , I knew he would not refuse me my favourite video games and a VCR . When dad got back home , he told Mom that he refused that job . He had spent three days with Sharma uncle , who was our neighbor a few years ago and had now shifted there with his entire family . Sharma uncle was dad’s senior at work , the overall manager , a post which came to Dad after he resigned and left . I was devastated . I mean all our financial struggles would be over in no time , then why daddy , why ? ‘ Look beta , nothing is perfect , everything has its own set of pros and cons . Money is good . Money is important . Money will come , money will go . Never make your decisions purely based on money . But you know more than money , the quality of the life you live is more important . Irrespective of how long you are on this earth , whether you lived happily or …. ‘ I was just not interested . I had vowed I would never do a stupid thing like what dad just did , say no to a well-paying job that too in a different country . He had refused a chance to become an NRI , something that I and my brothers were sort of envious about some of our more fortunate cousins .
I wanted to have some fresh tasty french fries . Spoke to SD on the phone . ‘Danny boy , here unlike in India chips are called crisps . When you say chips , people mean french fries ‘ I tried the English national dish Fish and Chips . Bah !! So bland and tasteless , how could an entire country survive on this I thought to myself . But I was not gonna give up on my quest of finding the correct chips shop . As I was waiting in queue to order , the middle-aged lady at the counter called me forward and said ‘ Yes darling , what would you like to have ‘ I was worried , I didn’t even have my wedding ring on . I excused myself , went out of the line and made a frantic call to SD ‘ hey SD, this lady at the counter is calling me darling da. How do I handle the situation . I don’t even have my ring on ‘ ‘ Enna Danny boy , that’s just a way of addressing someone . No hidden meaning . Just get used to it ‘ I summed up some courage , and picked up a small pack of chips . Oh wonderful it was , I knew I would go back there for more , both now and after the family joined me .
‘Hi ya, are you alright ? ‘ one of my colleagues at the office said as she was picking up her coffee . I wasn’t alright . I had a lot going on in my head . Waiting for the first salary to be credited , to finalise a house , to get the family to join me , to get a car etc and I felt like sharing my heart out with her . Just as I was gathering my thoughts , I heard her say ‘ Not bad , not bad , yeah good ‘ I looked around . There wasn’t anyone except her and me , and it took me till the end of the day to realise that she had answered an un-asked question which normally anyone else would ask if they were in my place when asked ‘ Hi ya , you alright ?’ She expected me to say ‘ I’m good , and you ?’ That day I realized asking someone if he or she was alright was just a way of saying Hi , nothing more , nothing less . Get used to it Danny boy , nobody is bothered about your struggles here , I told myself .
At the work place , I made a lot of new friends . Both Asians and the locals . I’m still very good friends with some of them . But sometimes I couldn’t help notice how subtly an Asian chap would be pulled up for a small mistake , as opposed to the same mistake being made by a non-Asian . It troubled me . I confided in and spoke to one of my friends MM and he said ‘ Well you’re in a different country , and some discrimination is bound to happen mate . Why , don’t you think we in India discriminate . Get used to it Danny boy ‘ Guess discrimination happens everywhere in the world . Maybe it hurts more when you’re a victim outside of the country . Slowly I realized nobody addressed me Sir . Everyone was called by his or her name . Occasionally I would crave to be called ‘ Danny Sir ‘ but didn’t happen so I told myself ‘ get used to it matey ‘
The salary came , and I stopped filling up the excel sheets on my laptop of the various items and their prices . But for roasted peanuts , I would always go to Lidl . Try it out sometime , the white packets with writings in blue . Its absolutely worth it . I started exploring the country more . Being a travel lover , even six hour journeys on the coach ( long distance buses are called coaches , bus means town buses in indian parlance ) was nothing . And coach travel though longer , was much cheaper , so that was my default travel mode .
I missed the impromptu coffee and dinner outings with friends . I would see birthday party notices , and you had to write your name down atleast 8 weeks in advance . And worse , some of them required you to even choose your menu . I was like ‘ 2 months ahead how could someone possibly decide . Called up DS ‘ macha , how come 2 months ? ‘ ‘ Danny boy , be happy . At some places it’s a 3 month notice . get used to it ‘ Back home , one phone call or a whatsapp text on a group chat , and atleast half a dozen would land up at the restaurant in no time .
The family came . Picked up a car at a used car dealership . Took it for a check , and the mechanic just brought some machine , connected some wires and cables into that , and went off for a short stroll . When she came back , she had a printed report ready and said ‘ your car has a lot of issues which need fixing , and the estimate is about 3600 GBP ‘ I was shocked ! ‘ Hey but you didn’t even check my car . You didn’t listen to the way the engine started , if it had any rattles , you didn’t open the hood to check the engine …. ‘ ‘ Matey , I don’t do all of that . This computerized machine here that I’ve connected your car to tells me what the problems are and what needs to be done ‘ Are you kidding me . Some of the mechanics back home would tell me what the issue was just by listening to how the engine roared to life . I didn’t have the money then , but thanks to a friend in Kent , I decided to drive the car for as long as I could . You could read about it here , if interested .
DS called me ‘ Danny boy , have you got your licence ‘ I said Yes . He said you passed ? Already ? I said yes , in 2004 . He gave me the difficult truth that I would have to take some driving classes before taking the DVLA driving exam . I didn’t understand why . But when SA came to teach me from Acclaim driving school , I knew I had a big task at hand . The first thing he told me was ‘ To be able to teach you , you need to first unlearn whatever you’ve learnt in india . ‘ Wasn’t easy . But I was determined . I did all the classes very well , and did well in the exam too . Cleared it with just one minor error . More than me , SA seemed thrilled with the almost clean driving evaluation sheet . As for me , I could drive around the country and in Europe and that’s all that mattered .
Kids , all in primary school , just loved the school and the way of teaching . No mandatory homeworks , no howling teachers to deal with . They made new friends , and slowly life was getting better . The car was taking us all over the UK and Europe too , I stopped using the coaches and the arriva buses, I even lost the bus pass but I didn’t need it anymore, and booking a flight or shopping at Waitrose was no longer a big deal . The next thing on the agenda was to be able to buy a house and get a citizenship , for which I would need to get an ILR Indefinite Leave to remain from the home office .
Having the weekends completely free was a feeling that is just indescribable . Infact we were travelling so much , that on Monday evening while getting back home from work I would wonder where to take the family the next Saturday . One weekend it was raining and I wasn’t sure if a theme park was open or not so I gave them a ring before deciding to drive there . The lady on the phone said ‘ Oh hi , it’s a lovely day isn’t it . The sun’s out , it looks so beautiful . There are not as many as we expected here at the moment , but I’m pretty sure the crowd will start coming in ‘ She must have spoken for about 20 seconds , but never said Yes or No to my question . I decided to ask her again ‘ Are all the rides open and functional ?’ I just wanted a simple answer ‘ You know , as the crowd isn’t yet upto the usual numbers , we may have to wait to be able to balance an equal number of people on both the sides of the ride … so ‘ ‘ So ? I’m still listening . ‘ ‘ hmm and so , there maybe a delay in a few of the rides , but otherwise everything is open and functional ‘ Back home , the lady would have said Yes and hung up within a nano second .
As we waited to have lunch , the lady announced ‘ It would take atleast 15 minutes for your order to be ready . The kitchen is really busy . Are you sure you wanna go ahead ?’ We ordered and waited . At the 12th minute , our order was ready . I was impressed . Back home , when the counter person says 15 minutes , it means you may have to wait for atleast half an hour .
The wife and me started exploring the other supermarkets which cater to the Asian palate . We started making our own idlis dosas and chutneys . And no prizes for guessing what peanuts were used for the chutney – the ones from Lidl . I always had the kitchen stacked with atleast half a dozen of those . Kids would have school dinner at lunch time , and I still get confused how a meal during lunch time can be called a dinner . But at home , both for breakfast and for dinner , by which I mean the proper dinner dinner , the meal that’s consumed at night , they would eat a proper Indian meal . I started enjoying the non-bread breakfasts at home . ‘ I’ll get used to this , I told myself ‘
A new colleague walked into the office one day , from India . During the lunch break , he was asking around for options to eat out , how to find a house , which letting agent to contact and the likes . Everyone was giving him one option or the other . I knew I had it all covered , having been through the whole process just under a year ago . I was able to tell him what sort of cuisine he wanted to have , what his budget was , which pub to not miss a full English Breakfast , where you’d get the best Shepherd’s pie , or the tastiest chicken tikka , and somehow everyone at the office was staring at me . Some of my close friends who had been there much longer than me said they didn’t even know some of the shops I mentioned existed . And when someone asked a question about which Schengen visa to apply for , I was able to guide them as well . All this was possible only because I had something which I didn’t have back home in India and when I first landed in Birmingham – money . The same money that my dad refused . The first two months living off the India Forex card , and trying to cut expenses really taught me a lot , which I was able to pass on to the newbie in the office .
Made a trip to India to visit family , and it was full of surprises for the kids . At the airport , my son asked ‘Is this even an airport papa ‘ Flying in from terminal 5 , the British Airways’ hub at the Heathrow into the Chennai airport , the difference was striking . As soon as we got out after the immigration check, we were mobbed by a lot of cab drivers . I had already booked a taxi , and without much difficulty got in . Kids were unhappy , none of the seatbelts were functional . ‘ papa , how can I even travel in this . Doesn’t even have a seatbelt ?’ And they were mighty amazed to see the roads so full of people , two-wheelers , three-wheelers , cars , buses and what amused them most was the animals . ‘ papa I can see a cow there on the road , and a dog , and a pig just ran across ‘ People were not following the traffic signals . Forget amber , while it was red some cars still sped across . They were laughing and enjoying the scenes while the cab driver was doing a Schumacher on the road ‘ papa , he drives very rash . We have health and safety issues here ‘ I almost felt like telling them ‘ This is India , not the UK . This is the reality here . Get used to it ! ‘
I knew I had to get Dad and mom to visit me , if not stay with me . But unfortunately Dad became unwell , and I was able to organize everything for him on the phone . I called up a few friends , transferred some money to their account to get the needed tests and appointments , but the fact that I wasn’t there with him in person troubled me quite a bit . The office rules said ‘ atleast 6 weeks of prior notice ‘ for leave to be sanctioned , unless there’s a major emergency . There’s a difference in asking ‘ Dad , have you had your medicines ‘ over a whatsapp video call , and being able to give him a glass of water yourself and say ‘ here dad, please have your tablets ‘ Somehow that always bothered me .
I needed some medical attention in the NHS . And I was told ‘ 8 days before the earliest appointment ‘ . I had developed some problem acutely while at work the next day , and I had to go in to the emergency unit at the hospital . I was told good that I had come , or else I’d have been at risk of having permanent damage to the eye . What ??? In India , one phone call and I would have got myself checked the very same day . Non-emergency appointments take a long time to materialize . An elderly lady in the church suffered with a painful hip for 9 months before she could get a hip replacement surgery . Another said he was a year older when he finally went into the operation theatre for an operation that was booked 14 months ago . Again back home , never a problem . Within a few days , you would have had a new hip and would have been discharged too . It was getting a bit scary . But I knew I didn’t want to give up on the comforts of life in England .
But having said that isn’t the NHS a wonderful system . Irrespective of whether you are a top level officer or a jobless vagabond , you still get the same hip implant, the same hip surgery . Even if you were all by yourself and no one else to look after you , the NHS would take care . I have seen even drug addicts with no social support get the best treatment that anyone else would get . Back home , you decide where you want to get treated based on your paying capacity . And if you don’t have family to accompany , it would be a nightmare getting things done . If you have money , go to a reputed hospital . If not , may need to accept the fact that you can only get treated in a smaller centre which may or may not have all the facilities and expertise .
Kids education is free ( unless you’re very keen on sending them to a private school ) The roads and kerbs are well-maintained . Roadwork signs are put up weeks in advance so that you could plan your journey well in advance . And the way the road repair areas are barricaded so that no pedestrian gets close to the danger zones is a treat to watch . Backhome you would drive through your normal route , then find that the road is blocked , and would need to ask around for directions . As roads are being repaired , the onus is on you not to fall into a uncovered pit or sprain your ankle in an almost invisible pothole .
You are free to practice the religion of your choice , or not to have any religious inclination at all . Back home I remember being called multiple times by the school office to submit the ‘ community certificate ‘ Try explaining how the caste-based reservation system works to an Englishman . If you are successful , please e-mail me . You are allowed to raise a query , ask a doubt . On a trip to Inverness , the trains were running late and my wife just matter-of-factly gave a feedback saying the journey was too long and travelling with small kids was very uncomfortable with the long delays . No response for about 4 weeks, but after that we got a cheque delivered home , the entire train tickets expenses were refunded .
A neighbour got back home with family after a 2 week holiday and saw burglars inside the house . He called the police who advised him not to enter the house , and that a team would be despatched asap . In 80 seconds there were three police cars with sirens blaring , and managed to nab the culprits . Yes it took less than a minute and a half for help to arrive . Driving in Birmingham , DS saw a car suddenly stall on the road and fully covered in smoke . As he drove past it with a safe distance , he could see a fire truck in the rear-view mirror , again with lights flashing and sirens blaring . Ambulances are always given way , whereas back home it would have to fight its way among many other vehicles on the road . The emergency response systems in the UK were just out of the world .
I discussed with a few friends at work . And all of them said ‘ that decision is very important mate , whether to stay on or not . And if you decide to go back , make sure you do that before your eldest is 13 or 14 . Beyond that , kids will never be able to forgive you . ‘ I decided to speak to a lot of people , some who had come with the intention of working for a few years and going back but then stayed on . Some who came with the intention of settling down in the UK but went back to India . I knew I was going the way of the first group , but I wanted to be absolutely sure of what I wanted to do . Dad had sent a whatsapp text about how he had donated about 70k INR to a tribal welfare group and how thrilled they were . I replied ‘ had you been abroad , you would have been able to send 7 lakh INR daddy ‘ He said ‘ Yes maybe , but I would never have been able to experience their love and warmth , and I know this hard-earned money from India will be of great use to them , and I will keep supporting them as and when I can . There was some sort of a joy in his texts and calls , that he was able to do even though he was earning in rupees , not pounds . And me , it was the other way around and I wasn’t really helping anyone but myself with the pounds in the bank .
My visa was expiring soon , and I knew there was one friend who would’t say no to me even if I knocked on his door at 11pm . I drove to Birmingham after the kids went to sleep . Got stuck on the M6 due to a crash , but eventually met DS . SD and kids had gone to India , and he was alone . Spent about an hour with him . ‘ Macha I need to decide , what do I do . 50 % I feel like staying on , but the rest of it says go back . Staying on here could mean the UK, the US , Singapore , Middle East , Australia and the likes . Thanks to this job , all those options are also possible . I’ll miss my family back home if I decide to continue here , but going back , how will I be able to adjust macha ‘
As I was thinking about adjusting , I thought about my own time in the country . I started walking confidently across zebra crossings , and if I was driving gave way to pedestrians at every Belisha crossing . I hated the weather when I first got here , but now I actually loved it . My perfume bottle lasts me double the time it lasts me back in India . I still don’t have coffee / tea and I hate the traditional fish and chips but I love the full English Breakfast , the Shepherd’s pie and the English Roast . Everytime SD made the roast , I would tell her to save some for me and my family and that I would pick it up sometime , and she willingly obliged to it . I could tell how new a car was just by glancing at its number plate . I was myself now heavily depending on childminders , who would give us a discount for the third kid . The arriva,coach and train journeys stopped completely . It was either my Ford or a flight . Whenever DS called to say hi he went from ‘ Macha are you free to are you in town and are you in the country . incidentally one of his calls when I answered I was in Bern,Switzerland . Danny Boy , all along I thought I had to tell you where to go , what to see . Macha now you have to guide me ‘ Whether I was shopping at Lidl or Waitrose was no longer an issue . ( For the peanuts , its still Lidl though ) The concept of dry bathrooms was just too good , and I was worried about using the wet loos back in india . I had myself started saying ‘ Hi ya , you alright ‘ without actually meaning it . Terms like cheers, mate , matey , much appreciated , love , darling had become the norm . Thank you , Sorry and Please were among the most commonly uttered words from my mouth . I had changed . As advised by most of my friends including DS , I had ‘ got used to it ‘ I loved the life here too much to go back to India .
DS said ‘ Macha , you adjusted to the life here . So if you do decide to go back , don’t you think you’d be able to adjust to the life there . Here it took you a year , back there it may take you 2 years . don’t you think so . Don’t make any hasty decisions , think about it , sleep over it and then decide . But don’t make the fear of adjusting make you change your decision ‘ DS was wrong , it took me hardly 6 months to embrace the new life in the UK, not a year . But he had a point , a definitely valid point about the fear of making adjustments . I left that night immediately after that chat , as I had to report for work the next day and told him I’d let him be the first person to know what I decided , once I had made up my mind .
As I drove back , I kept thinking who’s at fault – the ones who stay on in the UK or the ones who go back to india ? Does everyone have these issues or is it only me . That’s when I remembered my vow as a child when dad refused a plum job abroad . I thought I shouldn’t make the same mistake . And I remembered Dad’s words too . ‘ Look beta , nothing is perfect , everything has its own set of pros and cons . Money is good . Money is important . Money will come , money will go . Never make your decisions purely based on money . But you know more than money , the quality of the life you live is more important . Irrespective of how long you are on this earth , whether you lived happily or not is the question . ‘ He told mom that Sharma uncle , after being a big gun in india , went abroad and worked as a junior sub-ordinate , and though he earned well , was always regretful of his decision to leave the country . His wife and children had all got too used to the new country to go back to India . ‘If you wake up in the morning , are glad to say hi to the wife and the kids , and then go happily to work , and get back from work to get a warm hug from the wife and the kids, that’s a good life . If you wake up and think ‘ Oh s**t , I’ve got to go back to that same wretched office again , and when you get back home you’re not in a position , for whatever reason , to hug and say hi to the wife and the kids , then that’s a life that needs some serious repair job . Money will come , money will go . It just gives you a false sense of security . We have just one life , and it’s important we spend it well with family and friends and loved ones , while doing what we can for the not-so-fortunate ones .When on my death bed , I’m sure I will not regret having said no to this job , and that feeling of contentment for me is extremely important ‘
Mom visited us in the UK , but dad couldn’t because unfortunately I lost him to a heart attack . I still remember his words , and my vow not to make the same mistake that he made . So where should I settle ? I’ve slept over this question for weeks and months . Am I with the first group that came with the intention of going back but stayed on , or am I with the other group that came with the intention of staying on but went back ? Where should you settle ? Iam nobody to answer that . You are the best judge for yourself , just as Iam for myself . ‘If you wake up in the morning , are glad to say hi to the wife and the kids , and then go happily to work , and get back from work to get a warm hug from the wife and the kids, that’s a good life . If you wake up and think ‘ Oh s**t , I’ve got to go back to that same wretched office again , if thoughts about life’s worries and challenges take the very life out of you , and when you get back home you’re not in a position , for whatever reason , to hug and say hi to the wife and the kids , and are unable to maintain a healthy relationship with friends and loved ones , then that’s a life that needs some serious repair job . Money will come , money will go . It just gives you a false sense of security . When on the death bed , what would make you feel content and happy and not regretful ? Think about it . Sleep over it . Take a few days , weeks or months . It’s important . We have just one life , and as long as we spend it well with family and friends and loved ones and enjoy the work we do , while doing what we can for the not-so-fortunate ones does the place really matter ?
