Curries Consults and Clans

Curries , Consults and Clans

‘ Hey bro , sorry to bother you at this time . But I wanted to ask you a query about my  recent scan . I’ll send it to you on whatsapp . Please get back to me asap . ‘ I would have slapped my cousin AB if she were with me . I was doing my postgraduation , had had an extremely busy week , was getting hardly 4 hours of sleep on an average and she had the audacity to wake me up from my precious sleep to ask about some report that too for a non-emergency consult . I was livid .

It was my first holiday with the wife’s extended family , with all the cousins uncles and aunts . Aunt MG was among the eldest in the family , and would always make sure never to miss a holiday , I was told  . When I met her , she kept talking about table manners and etiquette . I didn’t get why , whether she thought of me as an uncultured new addition to the family I wasn’t sure . Then she slowly opened up . ‘ You know there are many things I don’t like when I go out on holiday with a big group like this . And something that irritates me to no end is some of our clan members’ eating habits . Here in India , we generally eat with our own fingers . And for a second helping , some use the same hand to serve  the curry , and end up soiling the ladles and the spoons . I find it very yucky . ‘ She kept going on ‘ Some put bones and waste on the table adjacent to the plate . Some just drop the food onto the floor . And I’m not talking about kids here . Oh how annoying it is ‘ She did seem very irritated . I was wondering why she goes on holidays then , she could choose to stay at home . There was so much of anger on her face , and though I agreed with the points she made , I could never understand why in the world she had to attend these family holidays if the clans’ table manners were  bothering her so much . ‘ Aunt MG , I can give you a solution to all this , just skip these holidays . Simple ‘ ‘ No you’re absolutely wrong .. because ‘ Wow ! I give her an easy solution and she just decided to tell me off .

‘ You know ideally speaking , people should use their non-eating hands to hold the spoons and serve themselves , should keep the bones and waste within their plates . I have tried telling them but habits formed as a kid are hard to break I guess . Many of them don’t even realise that they are making every buffet quite uncomfortable for people like me . Initially I used to eat much before the rest joined for a meal , but now I carry my own tissues and wet wipes to clean the spoons and ladles before I touch them . And for the waste , I gently and quietly pass them a small plate to use . It works mostly , but some are tough nuts to crack , they just don’t learn . ‘ Yes , that’s all the more reason to avoid these holidays altogether Aunt MG , instead of feeling so bitter and angry ‘ ‘ Who’s bitter and angry ? Me ? No way . You’re absolutely wrong , because I mean yes I find it annoying no doubt , but I still go because whatever said and done , family is family . Nobody is perfect , I myself am not perfect . A little bit of adjustment is needed to keep the clan together , whether it’s curries or soiled spoons or bones on the table . Because at the end of the day , family matters , don’t you agree ‘ she said with a broad smile .

As I woke up thanks to AB’s late-night call , I fondly remembered aunt MG’s words . The report AB sent me was something to do with blood vessels and the blood flow , and me with my orthopaedic knowledge was not the best to give her an opinion . I called her the next day after speaking to a friend in radiology and a consultant in Vascular surgery, and she was very glad I got back to her . It isn’t easy , especially when you’re working almost 20 hours a day and get hardly enough sleep , to go around getting expert opinion for someone who is miles away from you , that too in a field that you’re not a specialist in . But then you still do it , coz to quote aunt MG , who unfortunately succumbed to a stroke almost 3 years ago and whose absence is still very much felt in the family ,  said , ‘ A little bit of adjustment is needed to keep the clan together . Because at the end of the day , whether it’s curries or consults , family is family ‘

Would you agree ?