A painful gift
I was very proud of what I got him – an expensive shirt while on a short trip to the UK . I knew he would be very happy with it . I had known AB for 20 years right from school days. This blue-checked shirt I knew he’d surely love . With Christmas just round the corner , I wanted him to wear it for the service that day . He smiled , I knew he would .
Christmas came , and I was very excited to see AB in his new shirt , but felt let down when he wore something else . And to my horror , I saw one of the watchmen who worked in his bank walk into the church wearing that shirt . I was furious , how could he do that ? I spent a considerable amount of time and money on that shirt , and AB had just given it away to someone else . After the service , I didn’t even feel like talking to him or his family . I mean , how could he do this to me , his good friend for over two decades . I was deeply hurt , and somehow after that day I could never talk to him as frankly as before . It had , subconsciously , affected me a lot . Many a times I felt like just confronting him and asking him bluntly on his face how he could do such an injustice to his friend . It hurt , it pained .
Days , weeks and months passed . I had gone off to the UK for a temporary job . When I returned after a couple of years , I got another shirt for him , which was not as good as the previous one . He would anyway give it away to a watchman so why spend on it , I told myself . AB called us home for dinner , and his son Tom had got a nice remote-controlled double-decker bus for my 6-year old . As they were playing , I could hear Tom order Jim what to do with the bus – open the driver’s door , shut it , close the window , make it go on the table, drift , reverse etc . At one point , he seemed very upset with Jim for not doing as instructed . He grabbed it from Jim and went away to his room . AB called him out and asked him to return the bus to his friend . Tom angrily said ‘ But dad , he just doesn’t play with it the way I want him to play . Then what’s the point of giving it to him ‘ To which pat came the answer ‘ Listen son , the moment you gifted him the toy , it has become his . Whether he plays with it or breaks it or dumps it in the bin is none of your business ‘
I realized my folly . I had been very bitter about that blue-checked shirt for more than 2 years , so much so that I wasn’t even talking to AB properly . I was ashamed of myself . This new , not-so-good shirt that I had got him , as I gave it to him , AB said ‘ You know , I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that beautiful blue-checked shirt you got me for Christmas few years ago . I loved it , but just a few days earlier , when the watchman had come home to drop off a parcel from the office , I realized his shirt was torn . I somehow felt very compelled to get him a brand new shirt , and the only new one I had with me was the one you had got me from UK . I’m sorry I gave it away my friend , but at that point in time , I strongly felt he needed it much more than me ‘ I was moved , ‘ I’m sorry mate , I need to be apologising not you , I have been so bitter about that shirt , I have many times blamed myself for getting such an expensive one for you . I have been trying to avoid you coz of what you did , I’m so sorry my friend ‘
Thanks to AB , I have now realized when I gift something to someone , it’s upto them to do what they want to do with it . Use it . Throw it . Gift it to someone else . Whatever . The moment it leaves my hands , I should have no control over it . If what I gift someone causes me a lot of heartache and pain to see the way they use it , then it’s not even a gift . To be able to let go is the key , if I still wanna micro-manage it then it does not deserve to be called a gift .
I may not be going back to the UK anytime soon , so I got a similar blue-checked shirt online for AB . He loved it . I’m not really worried this time , whether AB wears it or not . Or gives it to his watchman . Or dumps it into the bin . It has left my hands , it is now his . Whatever he does with it , I know for sure it won’t hurt me , it won’t pain . This time I feel very proud that I have whole-heartedly got him a blue-checked shirt , and I sincerely believe it qualifies to be called a true ‘ painless ‘ gift . Because to put it in simple unambiguous terms , a ‘ painful ‘ gift is actually not a gift .